he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He better not be in your backpack
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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