Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
