Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
