my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
