She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
