well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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