Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
