Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
