Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I love having hate sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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