miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How external is "for external use only"?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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