Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
