My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
