Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
