The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
