Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If that was your dad, he is hot
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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