Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
