Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's on the porch naked. Help.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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