I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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