It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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