Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
