we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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