Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
