I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
