You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
