i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
