dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I party with great urgency now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
