I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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