So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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