bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
