I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
