quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How does one acquire holy water?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
