I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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