I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
