i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
