I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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