he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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