Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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