well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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