sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
