i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
