We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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