Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i drank out of a bidet.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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