it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
