my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
