If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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