Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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