I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
