so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
