Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
