You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
