Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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