Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
