I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We don't watch enough power rangers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
