I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
