i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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