Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
